even though these posts are a couple of months apart, sorry there are two downers in a row. i promise, i'm not turning this into a blog of lamentations :)
i must express some of my feelings though, not only to clear my own head but maybe to glean a little bit of advise or an 'i've been there too' from someone. sometimes it's good to know i'm not just a demanding jerk, and that what i'm thinking is normal.
there are a few things in life that i hate. things that i absolutely detest, and are definite deal breakers when it comes to the status of a relationship. being called a liar: probably number one on the list. number two (and the one i struggle with lately): being used.
i'm pretty sure no one likes feeling used. i think it's probably universal that people want their love, attention, good works, kindness, thoughtfulness returned by those they have bestowed these things on. i do not do these things with the intention of being repaid, but it gets really tiring to be the one who does these nice things and never gets anything back. am i the worlds best friend? no. a resounding NO. but i really try to do nice things for people and consider others in my actions.
i try to leave a couple of minutes in the morning before heading to work to start the dishwasher or take out the recycling or tidy up. this not only eases my mind throughout the day, knowing that i did one or two things for the good of the household but since i am half of a team taking care of this house, it is a way to pitch in and get things done. i don't do it because it's the first thing i think of in the morning. i do it because i am intentional in trying to do something good, something that needs to be done. my eyes are always open to the things that need to be done. without being aware of my surroundings, everything would be left for my roommate to do or it wouldn't get done at all. living in a household with another person requires you to have your eyes peeled, take of the blinders and think of the big picture. for my own good, and that of the household.
i listen to people when they are talking. if they are telling me their grocery list, if they are pouring their heart out to me, if they are telling a story-i listen. i do this because it is respectful and because i value that other person.
again, i don't do these things in order to be repaid. we can all think of the things we do to be 'nice' to others that we don't expect to be repaid or at least repaid in kind. but when you do 'whatever-it-is-that-makes-you- a-good-person', don't you hate it when there are people in your life that seem like they don't even realize that you are doing something nice? like they just expect it? this is what i hate. it makes my blood boil so hot that i'm surprised there is not steam coming from my skin.
i want to say 'how dare you be so involved in yourself that you don't think of others!' or 'your schedule/free time activities/family issues do not preclude you from being nice or thinking of others' needs!' it is normally those that are closest to us that offend us the most. the wounds that they cause are a lot deeper than those that people on the 'fringe' of our lives cause. how many couples get in fights because one person feels like they are always the one to take out the trash? how many friends fight because one half of the relationship feels that they are always the one to initiate social activities or the one who 'listens' while the other one is constantly gushing their drama?
for those of us on the receiving end of, well, NOT receiving, it's easy to feel used. you feel like the things you do are just expected and glossed over by those around you. you don't need or want a parade in your honor. if you are like me, you don't even need your actions recognized in the form of a thank you or a 'good job, sport'. you just want someone to do their part. pitch in. think about the big picture. think about others. think of how their actions or failure to act will effect others. something i heard a couple of years ago that i am really trying to ingrain in my mind, is a question which is to be asked whenever you notice something that needs done. i leave you with the question:
if not me, who? if not now, when? if not this, what?