Sunday, November 9, 2008

i give up

this post is really a downer, so if you don't feel like slitting your wrists today, i suggest you move on to something else.

i give up on trying to be responsible
i give up on investing in people only to have them spit in my face
i give up on hoping people will 'come around'
i give up on feeling guilty for things that aren't even my fault
i give up on trying to be open and share my life with others
i give up on giving people the benefit of the doubt

i give in to being cynical
i give in to being jaded
i give in to being hardened
i give in to being apathetic
i give in to becoming a person i don't even like for the sake of not having to struggle

i am going away with my mom for a few days to regain some type of sanity and life. i figured this would be a better option than joining a cult. not that being with my mom is like being in a cult... that's not the point i am making. the point is that i am extremely low. i have had serious thoughts lately of packing my belongings, as much as would fit in my car, and just moving somewhere. joining a life that my family and friends disapprove of so that i could cut ties and start over. i just want to withdraw from this life and start a new one. maybe then i could feel freer to show my true emotions and be a genuine person. or maybe i would find that no matter where you go, people are always going to let you down and there is no sense in trying to avoid it. learn to live with the bitterness and disappointment.

who knows

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