Wednesday, January 21, 2009

5 years later

i just realized that it has been 5 years to the day since my cancer mis-diagnosis. i'll never forget the events of that week and how they impacted those around me. my poor parents who didn't quite know what to do or think; and seth who was in the doctor's office with me when i was told my tumor had become cancerous. my friends didn't know what to say to comfort me, and my employer and teachers were thrown for a loop.
i had been diagnosed with a prolactinoma 7 years prior and had tried different medications to treat it, only to find that what didn't make me sick didn't shrink the tumor or was too expensive. i knew the health risks of not undergoing further treatment and kept a watchful eye on symptoms that would suggest my tumor was getting larger or was creating more problems. in january of 2004 i started experiencing some eye pain and my right eye was almost constantly hurting and blood-shot. this was alarming since the tumor sits right above the optic nerve and optic blood vessels. one major side effect of having a pituitary tumor is that you have the possibility of going blind or severely harming the nerves due to it's location. with this concern, i went to urgency care to get it checked out. one thing lead to another, i had an mri the next day and that evening they called me in to share my results...'but be sure to bring someone with you' they said. sheesh!! it was then that i knew something was up and that there was cause for greater concern. seth went with me and was holding my hand as the doctor explained that the tumor had become cancerous and that they were going to need to start treatment. he made an appointment for me to see a neurosurgeon on friday of that week to discuss my 'treatment options'. it was a pretty somber and frightening week. i withdrew from school, went on disability at starbucks and canceled all of my other commitments. i had peace throughout everything that the outcome of all of this would be good, but it still didn't calm my immediate fears of loosing my hair, having brain surgery, etc.
the end of my sureal week came on friday when the neurosurgeon told us (my parents were in the room with me this time) that he had consulted with other doctors and didn't feel that the tumor was cancerous. at first i was shocked and wondered if he was wrong. then i knew that it was the peaceful outcome God had promised me. the fear and anxiety drained out of my parents' faces and we were all glad to hear the good news. it was this event that served as a 'wake-up call' for me regarding my handling of the tumor issue. God very loudly and almost audibly told me that this was His problem to fix and that He would take care of it Himself. all other health matters were up to me to go to a doctor if i wanted, but for this He asked for my faith and patience. ever since, i have done just that. no worries about my tumor-only prayers lifting up my concerns to Him to address. He may never take it from me or allow me to seek medical treatment, and that has to be okay with me. in fact, it IS okay with me. it's such a great release to say 'i'm not dealing with that. God will take care of it if He wants to'. my doctors hate that response i'm sure, but i know i'm doing what i have been told to do by my Great Physician.


Becky said...

I didn't know you back when all this was happening, but I'm so thankful that God has worked through your body the way He has. What a good friend I've made through it - I'm sure others can say the same.

Love you girly! :o)

Samantha said...

Wow-it's been 5 years? Praise God you are doing well.